You, Me, and DADA
by Escritora
Summary: Ch5!!! Snape's little sister, Charlie, the new DADA teacher--safe to say he's jealous. And when she begins seeing his enemy, Sirius Black... A funny, romantic, quirky fic about Charlotte, Sirius Black, and everything else. r/r, please!
1. Snape's Sister

A/N: Hi. Yes, it's me. Ok. Well. You may know me from "Road trip" or "Even Heroes Have the Right to Bleed" or "Draco's 24 Hours of Life," my most popular stories (no, I'm not big-headed, but most of my readers read one thing then read the other). I started a fic, Freakshow, that I really liked but I wasn't pleased with the review number for the time I put in. So, I am tenporarily taking it off and putting this up. I enjoyed writing it this very much and I hope you enjoy! Until then, don't count chickens in a basket and don't put all your eggs before they hatch.  
  
Please like this. If you don't… I might have to punch you in the hand (don't ask). Ok. Well. On with it. Because I know that you didn't click on that link to talk to me! Oh, and Road trip Ch 21 will be up very soon for those of you who wondered. See ya.  
  
Disclaimer: You must have a short-term memory disorder. If I didn't own Harry Potter in my other stories, then why would I own him now? *Idiots*  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Yes, mother. Yes, mother. No—no, mom stop. No, I'm not going to. Yes, of course. No! I'm hanging up! I mean it! Mother! MOTHER! Please. Of course. No, not that. Yes, he's fine. No, I will not. Mother… Mother! I am really hanging up this time. Okay, mom. Love you too. Bye."  
  
Charlotte clunked the receiver against the base of the phone, sighing in frustration. Phone calls with her mother always left her exasperated, and Charlotte was tempted to hit her head against the receiver as well. The idea of a bruise on her forehead didn't appeal to her, however, and so she restrained herself.  
  
"Hurry up in there!" whined a familiar voice from beyond the curtain. Charlotte peaked her head out of the telephone booth of the Teacher's Lounge.  
  
"Clamp it, Argus," Charlotte snapped, and realized that in her early stages of her teaching career that it was best not to make enemies. She decided to line her face with a smile and added, politely, "I mean, I'm done. Sorry, please take the phone."  
  
She slipped out of the booth, wondering why Argus Filch, the caretaker, had to use a telephone. *Oh, that's right* she noted silently as she strode out of the Lounge and into the busy corridor. The bell had rung and students milled around as if in a bee's nest. *He's a Squib. Of course, I had to use the telephone to speak with Mother. She just had to insist on living in the Muggle realm.* Even in her mind, Charlotte pronounced Mother like a dirty annoyance of a word.  
  
Actually, Charlotte figured that the telephone had been especially installed last year upon the requests of Argus Filch, since he could not magically communicate with others, and Sybil Trelawny, whose daughter Helena (residing in Queens, New York) would often try to reach her mother and keep in touch. *All the same, anyway. As long as it's there. Or better yet, if it wasn't, I wouldn't have to be checked on by Mother every frickin' five minutes.*  
  
Charlotte pushed past a tall student who was frantically waving his hands and crowing to a small girl that frowned and tried to ignore him like he was a nuisance. Charlotte chuckled, remembering the last time she had come to Hogwarts, as a 7th year ten years before. She had been seventeen, not twenty-seven, and Hogwarts (besides the homework, of course) had been paradise. Unfortunately, Hogwarts would be a bit different this time. *Oh, well* Charlotte twisted a strand of her straight auburn hair around her index finger. *At least Sev's still here with me. Wait, did I just call that a good thing?*  
  
As Charlotte mentally pondered this, her feet had been in automatic mode. The final bell shook her out of her thoughts and Charlotte blinked, surprised to find herself transported to the front of a classroom where twenty-nine pairs of wide eyes stared at her like an alien life form. Twenty-nine pairs equaled fifty-eight eyes, but although she was not immune, Charlotte was rarely susceptible to stage fright. "Hi," she announced, eying the students as they did unto her.  
  
There was no reply. Charlotte immediately noticed that the green-robed Slytherins and the Gryffindors adorned in scarlet were on opposite sides of the classroom, segregated. An idea sparked behind her walnut eyes. "Okay, seating chart."  
  
Those who were familiar with the term "seating chart" groaned and began spreading the word to those who were blinking in confusion. Pretty soon, the whole room resented the teacher that had yet to speak her name. Charlotte sensed the tension.  
  
"My name is Professor Snape," she proclaimed, grinning broadly. The room went deadly silent for about ten seconds, and then simultaneously everybody burst out laughing. It took a few minutes for the uproar to subside, and when it did, they all stared at her.  
  
"I'm Professor Snape," Charlotte repeated. This time, no one made a movement nor sound. "What's the matter with you children? Is there something I should know?" Charlotte watched as a brunette on the Gryffindor side timidly raised her hand.  
  
"Yes, who are you?"  
  
"Er, Hermione Granger."  
  
"And can you answer my question, Miss Granger?"  
  
"Um, I think so. You aren't Professor Snape," Hermione said very cautiously, the words tumbling out unsurely.  
  
"I'm certain that I am," Charlotte replied calmly, although the smile never left her sprightly lips. "May I ask why you beg to differ?"  
  
"Professor Snape," said Hermione, "is a man." Nervous laughter once more pervaded the air, and subsided. "He has black hair, and teaches Potions. You," continued Hermione, "are our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. You are a woman (more chuckling) and are short with brown hair."  
  
Charlotte frowned. This was true. She was twenty-seven, and only five feet tall. Her eyes were a muddy brown, unlike Severus Snape's, and her hair was clean, straight, and auburn. "I supposed this would happen. While I am a Professor Snape, I am not the only one. You'll be calling me by my mother's maiden name, then. Professor Dames. Is everybody clear?"  
  
Everyone nodded heavily, and Charlotte surveyed the class. She switched every other Gryffindor with a Slytherin. *Perfect* she told herself, nodding in approval. Every other seat was occupied by a student with a different color robe. Of course, each robe belonged to a disgruntled face, but not everything could be perfect.  
  
"Professor Dames?" Charlotte nodded towards the boy who was speaking. His robe was emerald, and his silver blonde hair was gelled forward. He looked shrewd.  
  
"Yes? Who are you?"  
  
"Draco Malfoy," the boy said, as if it was the most honorable thing and she should fall on one knee because of it. A tall, thick boy beside him looked ready to. "I just wanted to know… are you Snape's wife?"  
  
Giggling filled the room, and Charlotte inwardly laughed. How preposterous! While she would have loved to exclaim, "Of course not," she held her tongue. That could be considered disrespectful. Instead, she smiled warmly and politely answered, "No."  
  
"Then you're his daughter," blushed a redheaded boy that she had placed in the front row.  
  
Charlotte laughed aloud, and the Slytherin beside him scowled. "While I applaud your attempt at flattery, no. I am definitely not his daughter." Charlotte almost glowered when they asked if she was his mother—Sev was older than she!—but instead just shook her head. What were these students, fifth years? They were missing the obvious!  
  
"You're Professor Snape's sister?" finally asked Hermione, the girl who had questioned Charlotte's title previously. The murmurs in the class died down, waiting for a reply.  
  
"Yes," Charlotte said firmly, and the stir recreated itself. The questions began hammering her.  
  
"Was he the same as a child?"  
  
"How many years older is he?"  
  
"Was he a Slytherin?"  
  
"Is it true that he never bathes?"  
  
Everyone laughed at the last one, Charlotte included. "It's not right to share his personal business," she made herself say, but inside she was dying to tell about the time when he tripped in the shower, cleaved his chin, and Charlotte had to drag his naked body out with her eyes closed tightly.  
  
The class groaned, and the bell rang. Students grabbed their books and exited, in flocks of segregated houses of course, some very quickly while others took their time. Charlotte rested, leaning against the edge of her desk and closed her eyes tightly. *One class down, only a million or so to go.*  
  
Her eyes opened, weary and yet lively. Charlotte had always been a firecracker, especially in the morose Snape family. Her father, Gregum Snape, had been killed when she was ten because Voldemort had doubted where his loyalties lay; after all, her father knew that the clever Dark Lord would eventually find out that he was a spy. He just didn't know it would happen so soon. Rosalyn, as a widow, had settled into a small village in England.  
  
*Too bad she didn't settle in a small village on a different planet* Charlotte groaned. She loved her mother. Truly, she did. But the woman had dedicated her life from her husband's death thereafter to being a nuisance to her children. Whether it was "Do you have enough clean clothes?" or "Are you happy? Is Severus happy? Is that a real job?" or "You never call," Rosalyn Dames-Snape was the perfect image of the stereotypical annoying mother.  
  
The worst was, of course, "Charlie, when are you going to get married? Settle down, have kids. Oh, I met this guy the other day, just your age. Financially stable, no kids, excellent sperm count…" Honestly, Charlotte could picture her mother at a coffee shop asking young men about their fertility factors. *It would be just like Mother* What was her mother's obsession with getting Charlotte Lucy Dames-Snape married? Charlotte had no idea; she just figured it was a mother-thing. But the sperm count—that couldn't be normal. *I shudder to think*  
  
"Lottie?" Charlotte looked up, realizing that she had been gazing off.  
  
"Hey, Sevvy-boy," Charlotte grinned. She watched as Severus Snape's mouth twisted into a scowl and his thick unibrow furrowed over his eyes. "Aw, c'mon, Sev, you know what Mother said. That face will get stuck that way," she teased, enjoying every minute of it. "And must you call me Lottie?"  
  
Charlotte had been called many things in her life. Bitch, of course, was inevitable, for she was a female, subject to the thoughts of others of her kind, but nicknames. Her mother, and most of her guy friends called her Charlie, which she was cool with. Charlotte had always liked guy names, so this was her preferred nickname. Most of her female friends and her father had called her Char, which made the most sense. But Severus, when trying to be cruel, would call her Lottie, a name she so desperately despised. It sounded so childish to her, even when she had been four-years-old and Severus had started. But that was fine. If he called her Lottie in front of the staff, she'd just play the game, smirk, and say, "Hey, Sevvy." No one else dared to even think of calling the sinister Potions master anything other than Severus or Professor Snape. The again, no one else had seen him unconscious and naked in a shower stall. Okay, so she closed her eyes a little too late—she'd never make that mistake again!  
  
"Charlotte," Snape corrected himself, drawling out the name dramatically. "I'm going for lunch. Care to join me?"  
  
"Uh, sure," Charlotte replied absently, rummaging under papers littering her desk for spare dollars and change. "Who else is coming?"  
  
Severus seemed to find this a ridiculous question. "Who else is going?" he repeated, a bemused expression vaguely resembling a smile popping up. "No one, of course."  
  
"Fine. Be anti-social, but must you drag me down with you?" Charlotte moaned, pushing the heavy oak door open and holding it for her older brother.  
  
Severus had been two years older then Charlotte in school. He had been a Slytherin, and she had been a Gryffindor. Needless to say, they hadn't talked much in school. Charlotte remembered idolizing the older Gryffindors that Severus had been sworn enemies with: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, and so on. Of course, Charlie would never admit to some of the crushes she had developed on them; Severus would have smothered her with a pillow while she slept (after all, at their childhood home their rooms were across the hallway)! Charlotte chuckled to herself and followed Severus as his robes billowed behind him.  
  
"Why are you laughing?" he demanded, obviously displeased with her cheerful behavior.  
  
"Your cape keeps hitting my ankles," Charlotte giggled, not bothered.  
  
"It's a robe," Severus sneered, but he did gather the ends.  
  
"Thanks, Sevvy," Charlotte teased, and then looked away to avoid his dirty look.  
  
Two figures were approaching in the hallway, but Charlotte's so-so vision couldn't make them out. Severus turned around and gave her a meaningful stare, but Charlotte didn't quite get it. That is, until the figures became clear as they became closer.  
  
"Severus," Remus Lupin nodded stiffly in greeting, stopping abruptly.  
  
"Remus. Sirius." Charlotte blushed as her brother acting like a polite machine, stating their names factually.  
  
"Who're you?" Sirius Black gave her a condescending glare. *Guilty by association* Charlotte gulped, realizing that she was being disliked by the fact that she was with Severus.  
  
"Oh, you must not remember me," Charlotte piped up, her cheer not absent from her face nor tone. She was amused at their surprised faces, to see such energy from a friend of Severus Snape's.  
  
"Should we?" Remus's eyes narrowed, more out of curiosity than suspicion.  
  
"I'm Charlotte Snape. I was in Gryffindor with you, only two years behind." Charlotte waited while their crinkled brows cleared up.  
  
"Oooooh," Sirius nodded, enlightened. "I remember you. Charlie Snape. That's right. You were always great with Defense Against the Dark Arts. Part of the reason I passed was with your help," Sirius winked. Charlotte felt her blood get hot and her face flush. Sirius tensed beside her, obviously not pleased that one of his (many!) archenemies was winking at his little sister. He may have been a cold person, but he still an overprotective sibling.  
  
Charlotte almost winced as she felt her brother's arm placed on her forearm protectively. "Yes, yes. There will be plenty of reminiscing later. Let's go, Charlotte." He yanked on her arm, and Charlotte obligingly followed. She would have much rather stayed and chatted with HAPPY people who were NOT her BROTHER! But, she felt sibling loyalty and allowed herself to be led into the Dining Hall.  
  
The room was inundated with myriads of screaming, jumping, and digesting students. Charlotte loved big gatherings and would have loved to sit in the center of the chaos; however, Severus tugged her over to the isolated table delegated to the teachers in the far corner. It even seemed to have a lonely shadow looming over it. *Just lovely.*  
  
Severus was two years older than Charlotte, but most of the teachers, save Remus and Sirius, were many years older. Enid Flitwick**, who other than being thirty years Charlotte's senior, was at least a foot shorter, Hagrid was nearing forty, and Minerva McGonnagel must have been at least fifty. Cora Trelawny** was ancient, and Binns, the ghost was, well, dead.  
  
Charlotte remembered being a student at Hogwarts; Minerva had strictly been "Professor," since she had been the Head of the Gryffindor house, and Hagrid had been the recent addition to the staff, with his shady past. Enid Flitwick had been old then! Charlotte wondered how Severus had adjusted so well to making his former teachers his peers.  
  
"You must be the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher?" Enid posed excitedly, not asking nor stating it. "I'm—"  
  
"I know," Charlotte smiled, digging into her mashed potatoes. "I had you for Herbology when I was in school." Enid's face fell, and Charlotte realized that that could be considered an age insult. She quickly took a swig of apple juice.  
  
"Severus, I'm not so hungry," Charlotte shrugged. Her older brother was, however, having a heated debate over the elements of the first Definitum Potion with Minerva and waved her off. Charlotte cleaned off her tray and quickly edited amidst the crowds of students.  
  
Lunch wouldn't be over for another half-hour, and after that the students had rest period for another hour. As Charlie stepped into the hallway, she jumped as her Muggle beeper went off at her side. She only kept the Muggle beeper for one reason, considering that there was only one person in the Muggle vicinity that would want to call her. Cursing under her breath, Charlotte stormed into the Teacher's Lounge.  
  
Whack.  
  
Charlotte grimaced, realizing that the sound effect had come from behind the door as she thoughtlessly swung it open. She cringed, waiting for the finger crouching behind the door to reveal him/herself with a lawsuit or something of the likes.  
  
"Oh, I'm so sorry! I'm so careless sometimes! Sirius?" Charlotte was surprised to see that it was Sirius Black that she had hit. He was wincing and holding his forehead with his left hand.  
  
"Gee thanks—oh, hey, Charlie." Sirius seemed to lighten up when he spotted her and let go of his head. A lump was forming.  
  
"Aidium hora," Charlotte spewed off, flicking her wand, and the bump of his head ceased its growing and began to shrink back behind Sirius's dashing, shaggy black bangs.  
  
"Thanks," Sirius said, and they stood there awkwardly for a moment.  
  
"I have to call my mother!" Charlotte blurted out. Her hand flew to her mouth; why did she just proclaim that? Her cheeks were growing hot and she quickly excused herself into the telephone booth.  
  
555-6465. Charlotte punched in the numbers without thinking.  
  
The ringing stopped before it started. "Charlie? Charlotte? Is that you? Charlotte? Charlotte? Are you calling?"  
  
Charlotte bit her tongue, forcing herself to speak. Must her mother be so annoying? "Yes, it's me, mother," she replied, suddenly feeling exhausted.  
  
"Goodness, I've beeped you, oh I don't know… fifteen times? Maybe twenty, after a while I just lost count. And those annoying telemarketers, they kept calling. Why would I want to buy Viagra, let alone over the phone? Don't these people research who they're calling? It's not like they just punch in random numbers."  
  
*Yes, Mother, actually they do* "Oh, Charlotte said instead, feigning interest.  
  
"Honey, what's wrong? What's the matter? Are you okay? It's hormones, isn't it? Oh, I knew this would happen. Fluxuating, aren't they? Well, I told you, settle down and start a family. Best way to help that estrogen is a baby, I always said."  
  
Charlotte actually considered this one and automatically decreed it to be contradictory, but figured her mother wouldn't agree. And how was it that Mother could embarrass Charlotte even when no one was around, with her talk of sperm count and Viagra and hormones and estrogen? The blush from her encounter with Sirius was darkening, and Charlotte was thankful for the curtain that gave the phone booth privacy.  
  
"Charlotte, are you listening? Charlie? Charlotte?"  
  
"Yes, mother," Charlotte replied, this time through gritted teeth. "I have to go."  
  
"Where?"  
  
*Why—oh WHY?—must I be the offspring of the nosiest witch on the planet?*  
  
"On a date," Charlotte quickly said, and what she actually told her mother hit her. *Uh-oh. If I though that that would curb the questions, I'd better brace myself for an onslaught.*  
  
"Oh really? Splendid! With whom? Is he handsome? Oh, it's that French guy, Pierre, isn't it. When I saw him I just said, 'He is just oh-so-perfect for my Charlotte.' It's him, oh I know it. Where are you two going? Well?"  
  
"You don't know him," Charlotte mumbled, a mischievous grin forming on her face, "but don't worry. I asked him about his sperm count, and it's good to go."  
  
And Charlotte hung up.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**I don't know their first names. Someone please tell me! Oh, and I know my ages must be very off, but deal with it. Lol. Thanks a lot. Please review. That's what the blue button is for.  
  
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down there  
  
  
  
And I'm out… 


	2. Not Quite a Damsel in Distress

A/N: Just a note: I purposely got the word Bludger wrong a lot in this, because Charlotte can't remember the name. Please no reviews correcting me. Thanks for reviewing, and I'm overjoyed that you find this amusing. I love writing it. Also, this is sort of mocking the stories where they always fall off their brooms and yada yada…  
  
Disclaimer: If I told you I owned Harry Potter, would you believe me? Well I don't! You're wrong! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
Charlotte had to smirk as she applauded herself on her "joke" against her mother's fertility obsession (*Of course, knowing Mother, she'll take me seriously*) and stepped out of the booth. She grimaced as she stepped on the edge of the curtain and almost fell flat on her face.  
  
"A date?"  
  
Charlotte looked up and saw Sirius Black. *Of course, dimwit. He was standing there when you went into the booth, and he's standing there now.* "Oh, yeah, well, Mother…" Charlotte realized that it would be impossible to explain the workings of her mother's mind over a thirty second impromptu meeting. "No, I don't," she finally said. It was short, and got right to the point.  
  
"Okay…"  
  
*Great, Charlie. Now he's going to think you're crazy. Score one for the short girl.* "I just needed an excuse to, erm, hang up."  
  
"Right," Sirius nodded, but Charlie was irked at how amused he sounded. "Well, we're having the student-faculty Quidditch fundraiser this afternoon during the students' rest hour. It's starting…" Sirius checked his watch. "…now. Interested? The whole school will be there."  
  
"Sure," said Charlie, quickly scanning her brain for previous engagements and drawing a blank. "Will Severus, or do I need to drag him down there myself?"  
  
"Ha," Sirius scoffed with a surprisingly bitter laugh. "You only catch Severus at Slytherin Quidditch matches, as far as social events go. Besides, he brews Remus's potion every rest period. It takes the whole hour, but I think Severus likes it that way. Then he doesn't need to make excuses to not appear in daylight."  
  
Charlotte, as Severus's sister, was perturbed. It was her right to make fun of her brother, and her right only. "Daylight? If I do recall, Azkaban didn't have much of that, did it, Sirius?"  
  
Sirius gave her a hard look, and then broke into a "ha-ha-that's-not- funny" type of grin. "Whatever. Listen, Charlie, I'm going to the match. Are you coming?"  
  
"Fine," Charlie sighed, grabbing her windbreaker, "but only I make the Severus jokes, agreed?"  
  
"Agreed," said Sirius. He propped the door open as they left the staff room.  
  
"Miss Snape!"  
  
Charlotte heard the address as she simultaneously walked into a man not much bigger than herself. Sirius chuckled from where he held the door open, although Charlie didn't know if it was because she had been called "Miss Snape" or she was walking into people.  
  
She stepped back and tensed; it was Professor Dumbledore, looking frazzled. "Sorry!" Charlie blurted as her hand flew to her mouth. "I'm so sorry, I wasn't watching where—"  
  
"Nonsense!" Dumbledore waved it off with his weathered hand. "I was rushing myself. Sirius, you're late for the game!"  
  
Charlie turned, surprised. "You're playing?"  
  
Before Sirius could reply, Dumbledore stepped in. "And so are you, Miss Snape. Or what are they calling you… 'Miss Dames,' is it? Anyway, I just recalled that Remus couldn't play without having taken his medication, and Severus—your brother—is just starting it. It's a safety hazard. Go suit up, Miss Sna—er, Dames. Same for you, Sirius."  
  
Charlie opened her mouth to protest, but Dumbledore was already swiftly walking away. It was almost magical, as if each step he took was an apparition; he was so quick and lithe! Charlie, in that instant, resented this for her Quidditch skills had never been tested.  
  
"I've never played Quidditch," Charlie admitted as the door swung closed behind herself and Sirius, "but I've tried the Muggle game, basketball, and I'm awful."  
  
"Don't worry. You can't be worse than Minerva!" Sirius laughed, and Charlotte knew he was thinking of a specific memory. *Of course, I didn't share in it since it's my first year. Thanks for leaving me out cold with no idea what's going on, Sirius. Always a pleasure.*  
  
"Uh huh," she nodded numbly.  
  
They split up at the boys and girls locker room, and Charlotte timidly stepped inside. Minerva McGonnagel and Candace Sprout were changing nervously in the corner, and the female students—Gryffindors Katie Bell, Angelina Johnson and Hufflepuff Uma Sullivan—were chatting busily on the other side of the locker room. Charlotte smiled uneasily towards Minerva and Candace, who were obviously uncomfortable with stripping to their undergarments in front of people, although not a word was said.  
  
A moment passed, and Charlotte felt awkward. "Uh, you guys can change in the bathroom stalls if you'd like," she said, and Candace and Minerva seemed to take this suggestion to heart as they immediately scurried away, leaving Charlie to roll her eyes and change clothes.  
  
Apparently the teachers were to wear white and, judging by Katie, Angelina, and Umas's robes, the students were to be in red. Charlotte though that it was unpractical for soon to be dirty robes to be white and felt funny underneath her robe's thick fabric.  
  
Minerva and Candace emerged with funny faces on. Neither seemed to be dissatisfied with her robes so Charlotte kept her mouth shut. She noticed Uma Sullivan approaching her. "You're the new DADA teacher, right?"  
  
"D-A-D-what?" Charlotte was dumbfounded.  
  
"Defense Against the Dark Arts. DADA." Uma stated this, blinking rapidly, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
"Oh. Right. I'd never heard it abbreviated that way before." Charlotte blushed and tried to head towards the exit; Angelina Johnson stepped in her path with an eager face on. *What now?*  
  
"Is it true that you're Snape's sister?" the curly-haired Gryffindor chaser blurted out. Katie Bell nudged Angelina, and they stood there waiting.  
  
"No," Charlie replied. "I'm his twin brother." She didn't wait for the comment to register in the seventeen-year-old girls' brains; instead, she quickly strode out. But before the door swung shut, she heard one girl:  
  
"Ewwwwwwwww!"  
  
"What are you laughing at?" Charlie had been joined by Sirius as she left the locker room, giggling profusely.  
  
"Nothing," she smiled, pulling on the left pant leg of her robe. *They have torture spells. They have anti-werewolf potions. And yet they have no charms for bunching hosiery?*  
  
Madame Hooch issued the 5-minute whistle and Sirius and Charlie were stampeded as Katie, Angelina, and Uma bounded out of the locker room, followed by the tentative teachers. "Charlie, over here!" Sirius had escaped and beckoned to her as he walked to where the teachers had huddled.  
  
Charlie pushed her way between Sirius and Filius Flitwick. She scanned the faces and was surprised to see almost all of the teachers there. Sybil Trelawny (who had been already dressed before Charlotte arrived) was crouching beside Hagrid as Candace Sprout and Minerva McGonnagel joined the huddle. Filius had smeared black paint under his eyes, appearing comical to Charlotte. She snickered, but everyone just looked at her as if she was crazy.  
  
"Okay," said Sirius officially. "Just like we planned. I'm Seeker; Sybil, Candace, and Minerva are Chasers; Hagrid is keeper; Filius and Remus are—wait…" Sirius shot Charlotte a sheepish look. "Looks like you and Filius are beaters, Charlie."  
  
"You can't be serious!" Charlotte moaned. "I could get… I could get injured!"  
  
"Duh," said Filius. He looked ready for action in a laughable way.  
  
"I still don't see why Argus couldn't have done this," she griped.  
  
"Argus, 'e's too old to sit on a rocker, 'e is, let alone a broom," Hagrid cracked.  
  
"TIME!" wailed Hooch. Sirius opened his mouth to yell something irritatingly her, but clamped it shut and instead opted for a head motions towards the field. The seven teachers mounted their brooms.  
  
Charlie looked warily at her broom. "Accio broom," she said in a very small voice. Nothing happened. "Accio broom…? Accio broom? Accio? Broom?" Charlie looked timidly around. Everyone else was rising in the air. "Come ON, broom, work!" she hissed. "Accio broom! Accio broom! ACCIO BROOM—OOF!" Charlotte doubled over as the broom shot up and hit her between the legs. Regaining herself as she rose in the air, she caught a funny look from Sirius. *Ouch. It's times like this that I'm glad I'm have two X chromosomes rather than being a guy. That could have greatly affected my impregnating abilities. Oh, Mother!* Charlotte groaned. Anything remotely related to birth reminded her of her mother; she imagined that her future husband would not appreciate that.  
  
Another deafening whistle infiltrated Charlotte's eardrums, and she scowled towards Hooch although the referee was busy reprimanding George Weasley. The match had begun. "Alright, broom. Steady, broom. Just stay far, far away from the Smudgers—er, Cudgers? Whatever."  
  
"Charlie! Stop talking to your broom and get over here!" Charlotte whipped around, almost falling off of her broom as she noticed it was Minerva snapping at her as the Transfiguration teacher dodged a Ludger—Dudger?  
  
"Oh, sorry!" she tried to call, but the wind drowned her out. She spun wildly as the crowd erupted in thunderous cheers. "What happened? What?"  
  
"Johnson scored for the students," spat Sirius as he whizzed by in pursuit of the Snitch, which disappeared no sooner then he had seen it. "Look alive, Charlie!"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"LOOK ALI—"  
  
THUD. CRACK. The crowd gasped in unison, and had this not been so funny it would have been humorous to hear. All of the brooms stopped midair as the audible sound effects pervaded their eardrums.  
  
No, Charlotte Lucy Dames-Snape was not knocked from the broom, sending the helpless and unconscious damsel to fall to the ground, thus a miraculous swoop by a soon to be adoring admirer to ensue, as well as an urgent dash to the infirmary.  
  
No. That didn't happen. Although soon Charlie would wish it had.  
  
Instead, Charlie swore. And she swore. And she swore. And, yes, she swore. She swore until Minerva charmed the 1st years' ears so that they couldn't hear (causing about a thousand students to scream about how they'd suddenly become "deaf") all of the swearing going on. She swore until the pain kicked in and she just screamed. And screamed. And screamed.  
  
The Pudger—er, Wudger?—had hit her square in the mouth and the cracking sound was undoubtedly her teeth. She was perfectly conscious, and was repeatedly wishing she wasn't, and was perfectly placed on her broom, although she wished she had fallen to a gloomy but memorable death.  
  
Everyone sped over, and as tears did NOT well in her eyes, Charlotte spotted Sirius hovering over her. His jaw was clenched firmly, but his eyes were of concern. "Charlie? Charlie, are you okay?"  
  
"That's an opinion of judgment," she tried to reply bitterly, but with half of her teeth smashed, it sounded more like "Ah in up in unun mint."  
  
And NO, Charlotte did NOT have to go to the infirmary. Filius scanned his brain for the appropriate charm and fixed her teeth in a snap (of the wand). Although her teeth were repaired (even the back one she chipped when she was seven), they still ached something awful.  
  
"Maybe you should go lie down or something," Sirius grumbled, pouting a bit.  
  
*MY GOSH! I just got hit in the face with a Cudger, and all he cares about is winning his stupid Quidditch match. It's not like I'm good anyway, but some SYMPATHY. I should've gotten a concussion. Maybe it's not too late to fall…*  
  
Charlotte shifted her eyes from side to side and then slowly began to tilt backwards. *I can do this. I can fall. Somebody will save me, right? Yes. Yes they will. Okay… Ready? Set?*  
  
"Charlie, what are you doing?" Sirius snapped, eying her, irritated.  
  
"I… I…"  
  
"What are you doing, taking a nap on your broom? Sit up, go rest in your room, and stop acting like a child!" Sirius demanded, pursing his lips and giving her a condescending look.  
  
"You're acting like Sev!" Charlotte frowned, crossing her arms across her chest and slowly maneuvering the broom downward.  
  
"Severus!?" She had obviously struck an emotional cord here. "I am NOT like Severus! Charlie, get back here! I am NOT! Charlie! I'm warning you…"  
  
"Oh, stuff it," Charlotte mumbled, dismounting her broom and sauntering towards her bedroom. The bedroom was nice enough, with an engraved stone floor and maroon velvet curtains, but it, along with the rest of the teacher's dorms, were much too far from the main sections of Hogwarts, including the Quidditch field.  
  
By the time she gave the password to her stone door ("Entra aqui"), her feet hurt as well as her teeth. It was only mid-afternoon, but a nap was well in order. Charlotte went to the mirror to brush her auburn hair out from a messy bun. She didn't care much how she looked in front of her students, but Charlie decided that she looked okay anyway.  
  
"C'mon, child," soothed the mirror, "flash me one of those pearly grins."  
  
Charlotte thought for a moment; she could launch an explanation about how a Fudger had hit her in the face, therefore causing it to hurt like Hades every time her teeth grazed each other. The term, "Grin and bear it," took on a new expression, and so Charlotte clenched them together and smiled a big, toothy grin at the mirror.  
  
A scream rang out, and Charlotte later would wonder if it was she or the mirror. "My teeth," she said calmly, her fists balling up, "are green. My teeth are green. Somebody needs to be shot."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
WOOOOOOOOO! Another chapter. Overwhelming response, I tell you! I am so happy! Thanks a lot. Really. I appreciate it so much!  
  
  
  
  
  
(A fan—heres hoping that you do!!!)(PoPs—OH I will fix that! Thanks so much!)(onym47—lol, yes I'm very into this one. It's fun to write, I guess. If the president can't perform, it's the VP's duty. Then the Speaker of the House gives it a go! LOL. Thanks!)(Polgara—Thanks. No time to add that in now, but I will tomorrow!)(me—THANKS! Very nice of you.)(Ember—I love your pen name—don't ask. Thanks a billion times, really.)(Shallan—thanks! I will add that tomorrow)(WeasleyGirl—Thank you, and hyperness is good! Always gives me a kick. That's why I don't see why people do drugs, when you can be hyper with (minimal) harm!)(Charlie—Cool! Love that name, Charlie, for a girl)(Joan—Thanks, yes, I probably would too!)(Kit Cloudkicker—how do you go about kicking clouds? Just a q. Okay, glad my ages aren't off the wall)(Charybdis—I'm SO sorry, Freakshow will be up later. Just not now. My next chapters of the rest will be soon too though)(ChibiFuu Malfoy—Thanks!)(ssj Kinara—Yes, I dream of doing that to my bro)(Mina—Thanks!! Lol)(Mrs Grim—THANK u!!!! Lalala…)(Melly08—thanku!)(jujubee—Yes!! Yes yes yes! I'm glad u think it's funny, too!)  
  
  
  
  
  
Good. That's over. I will post soon, just have to tend to my other stories. This one is *way* much more fun to write though. Love you all.  
  
  
  
  
  
And I'm out… 


	3. In Need of Diplomacy

A/N: I never made it clear when Charlotte came in the school year. Well, she came in early May I guess. I'm sorry that it's been almost a month, here it is. I'm slow I guess. Love you all, thanks for reviewing. Hope this chapter's okay!  
  
Oh, yes. Happy Mother's Day!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter. Too lazy to think of anythign clever to say.  
  
  
  
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"Where is Sirius Black?" demanded Charlotte Snape as she pressed Remus Lupin against the wall. The initial shock of being attacked wore off of Remus as he easily freed himself of his enemy's sister, who was over a foot shorter than him.  
  
"Charlie," said Remus, dusting off his black robes, "he's playing the Quidditch match, remember? There's a Faculty-Student game this hour and—are your teeth green!?"  
  
"It's still going on?" she groaned, stumbling backwards with a pout. "I'll kill him. I really will. He's so annoying!" she gushed, throwing her back against the opposite wall of the corridor.  
  
"You think all men are," said Remus dryly.  
  
"That's not true, some are dead," she winked, and then began sprinting down the hallway. "Like Sirius is about to be," Charlie added silently. "Thanks, Remus!"  
  
"Uh huh," he mumbled, still peeved that a smudge had now appeared on his otherwise perfectly clean robe.  
  
  
  
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When Charlotte reached the Quidditch field, she was surprised to see that there were no more brooms in the air; everyone was on the ground, shaking hands. The crowds were unusually silent, except from a grumble here and there, and closer inspection showed that Filius Flitwick was doing his ceremonial dance and song ("Hey yuh yuh yuh, hey yuh yuh yuh yuh" while twisting in circles). *I guess this means that the teachers won. Yay. Happiness. I'm oh-so-thrilled.* Charlie wondered if it was a bad thing that her thoughts were turning sarcastic as well.  
  
She weaved in and out of the crowd until she spotted Sirius Black. He was having a heated conversation with that Harry Potter kid. "Okay, move it, outta my way, coming through!" Charlotte ignored the dirty glares coming from everyone else as she finally reached Sirius.  
  
"…that the Cleansweep was a classic of its time, but soon they won't even sell it anymore," Sirius was saying. "After all, look at the Firebolts! They're three times as fast."  
  
"But think of Cleansweeps as collectors' items!" Harry was insisting.  
  
"Sirius!" Charlie hissed, and tapped him on the shoulder until he turned around.  
  
"Charlie, we won!" he exclaimed, clapping her on the back so hard that she coughed and almost fell over. "How's your mouth? Any better? We were all so worried!"  
  
"Yeah, once you won," she said coolly, folding her arms across her chest defensively.  
  
Sirius's smile fell. "What do you mean by that?"  
  
"Oh, I don't know, maybe you should take a look at my teeth!"  
  
"What? Your teeth are fine. Filius did an excellent job with them. You're still mad about that?"  
  
"Stop toying with me! I know they're not fine!"  
  
"Yes they are!"  
  
"They're green! I just saw them!"  
  
"If they were, they're not anymore. Why are you so hot-headed at me?"  
  
"Stop it, Sirius."  
  
"Okay," Harry was saying softly to himself, "diplomacy. I can do this. Diplomacy is the key."  
  
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!' till you can find a rock," Charlotte snapped, taking her mind off Sirius for one moment. "I don't have time for this. Congratulations." She stormed off.  
  
"Hey, thanks for the sincerity!" Sirius yelled, his mocking tone lost because he raised his voice. Charlotte's only reply was a vivid movement of her middle finger. "Love ya too, Charlie!"  
  
"Hmm, a double feature," Sirius added as the respective finger was raised on her other hand. "Must be my signing bonus. Anyway, Harry, Cleansweeps are…"  
  
  
  
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"Charlotte!"  
  
"What, Sev?" Charlie stopped midway through the corridor and placed her hands haughtily on her hips as Severus stepped out of his classroom.  
  
"Didn't you feel your pager? Mine's been vibrating nonstop," he said, fidgeting with the Muggle object placed on the pocket of his robe. "I still don't see why mother couldn't have settled in a nice wizarding area. The Muggle thing is so bothersome."  
  
"No, I didn't, and I refuse to call her back," Charlie pouted, setting a firm face in hopes of convincing her older brother that. Unfortunately, that plan fell through.  
  
"Charlotte," Severus said sternly, taking her left forearm and guiding her to the Teacher's Lounge, "you know what today is. Now come on, we're calling her. And I elect you as the speaker."  
  
"Sevvy!"  
  
"Lottie!"  
  
"That's not fair, I always talk to Mom."  
  
"Yeah, well… So do I."  
  
She grimaced as Severus half led, half pushed her into the phone booth and sat on one of the plush chairs. Charlotte made a childish face at him through the glass and then dialed her mother's number reluctantly.  
  
The first ring hadn't finished when the phone was abruptly picked up. "I said I don't want any of that Viagra!" screeched her mother.  
  
"Mom!" Charlotte laughed, biting her lip. "It's Charlotte."  
  
"Oh, goodness! Char, dear, when were you ever going to call? I was getting worried, sick, I tell you. Now, I know you said that you had a date tonight, but if it's not important I was hoping that you and Severus would come out and have dinner with me tonight."  
  
"Mom," Charlotte sighed—she had feared that this would happen. "Mom, Severus and I can't just take off. You know we work here."  
  
"But your classes are done for the day, aren't they, Charlotte?"  
  
"Yes, but—"  
  
"Grand! I'll see you at seven-ish, then? At "Le Café de Marie"? Good. Love you, dear, and apologize to your date for me."  
  
"But Mom—" It was futile. She heard the click of the receiver, followed by a dial tone. "Crimity," she mouthed to where Severus watched attentively from outside the booth. She took a deep, calming breath and stepped out. "What are you doing tonight, Severus?"  
  
His mouth opened wide. "No."  
  
"Yep."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Why didn't you say something?" Severus exploded, jumping up from his chair with a wild look in his eyes. A dry look from Charlotte said everything. "Yes, I know it's Mother and I know how impossible she can be, but… Lottie! You should've let me talk!"  
  
"You can't be serious! Was I not assaulted and battered into that booth? I swear, men are from Mars, women are from—"  
  
"Come off it! Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it!" Severus scowled.  
  
"Meet me at a quarter to seven at my room!" she called chirpily as he stomped out, then sank into the chair that he had been sitting in. *Mmm… Kept it nice and warm…*  
  
Charlotte knew she should probably get up and go shower, but it was so relaxing. *I'll just pick up a snack at the kitchen.*  
  
The kitchen was fairly empty, with the exception of the elves buzzing around, preparing food for the children that had yet to come. "Pinko, can I have a slice of chocolate cake?"  
  
"Of course, Miss Dames, right away, Miss Dames!" the elf said, swooping off into the back of the kitchen. He returned a minute later. "Here you are, Miss Dames, right away."  
  
"Pinko, this isn't chocolate cake."  
  
"I know, Miss Dames. Miss Dames's brother, Mister Snape Sir, said that Pinko had better watch what Mister Snape's sister ate and Pinko is making sure that Miss Dames eats right."  
  
"Whatever. Thanks, Pinko," Charlotte sighed wearily, taking the cup of strawberries and sitting down at the empty teachers' table. "Eat well, stay fit, die anyway," she groaned as she took a bite into the one placed on the top of the cup. *Not bad.*  
  
"Die anyway? Now there's an optimistic attitude."  
  
Charlotte rolled her head back, not bothering to turn around, to see an upside-down Sirius holding a tray. "Mind if I join you, or do you still have plans to slit my jugular while I sleep?"  
  
"Huh—oh, yeah, I'm mad at you." Charlotte almost chuckled. How trivial it had become in the last ten minutes. "You can sit here, as long as you don't mind if I whine about my mother nonstop."  
  
Sirius seemed to consider this for a moment before he said, "Deal," and set down his tray beside her. "So what has she done this time? I remember when she sent Severus that Howler in 6th year. Never had I seen the likes of it."  
  
"She hasn't done anything really," Charlotte said tentatively. "Severus and I have to have dinner with her tonight in Manchester."  
  
"Muggle realm, right?" asked Sirus without looking up from his orange juice that he sipped, as if he was engrossed.  
  
"Mmhmm," she said, seeing that Sirius didn't seem to think that it was a big deal. In truth, it wasn't… but all of her past encounters had had with visiting her mother had been less than pleasant. "I'd better go shower. Sorry I blew up at you earlier. Are you sure that the spell wore off?"  
  
"Positive," Sirius nodded.  
  
"Thanks." There was an awkward moment of silence, but Charlie shook it off by nodding and dumping her tray in the trash. It wasn't until she was out in the corridor that she realized that she had thrown out the tray with the food, but there was no chance in hell that she was going back in there and fishing the tray out.  
  
  
  
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Charlotte spritzed on "El Perfume de Magia" and pushed the strap of her dress back on her shoulder as Severus's trademark knock sounded at her door. "Come in!" she yelled, finally squeezing her foot into her size seven dress shoes.  
  
She stepped out of the bathroom and made a face. "Why are you dressed like that?"  
  
"I was about to ask you the same thing," said Severus, scrunching his brows together. "You look like you're going to an evening ball."  
  
"You look like you're going to Burger King," said Charlotte.  
  
"Burger King? What's that?"  
  
"Never mind," Charlotte sighed, reaching for her wand. "It's a food place that Mother isn't going to take us to. You know how her mind works. Now, Incanto Apparente!"  
  
Severus made a face, but was calm, as a whirlwind changed his clothes into a black suit. "I feel like a penguin," he complained, but didn't protest.  
  
"And you look like one, with your face scrunched up like that. Come on, we'll use Floo to get to Le Café de Marie. The fire's warm." Charlie reached for a packet of the odd powder. "Ready?"  
  
"But I'll dirty my suit!" Severus teased. "Of course." He jumped in as Charlotte threw the powder in, and she followed.  
  
  
  
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"Where is she?" Severus hissed softly, nudging Charlotte. They were crammed into a booth with velvet upholstery at Le Café de Marie and had been for a half hour.  
  
"I don't know, but how do I make the violin guy go away?" asked Charlie, eying the French guy who was fiddling soft, dramatic songs. "I wonder if he knows 'Rock on'," she chuckled.  
  
"CHARLOTTE! SEVERUS!" The loud, bubbly voice of their mother's boomed not only over the violin but the rest of the restaurant as well. Charlotte felt her face get hot as she cringed and trying to furrow herself deep into the booth and perhaps the fifth dimension.  
  
"Mother," Severus said cordially. Charlotte winced as he urgently poked her in the side under the table.  
  
"Dears!" said Mrs. Snape. She slid into the booth, which was almost difficult because of her roundness around the middle but didn't seem to notice. Her round face was beaming as she looked at them, creasing her cheeks and the corners of her eyes.  
  
"Mother," Charlotte echoed. "How are you?"  
  
"Oh, splendid, Char. And you? How are YOU DOING, dear?" Charlotte felt horrorstruck as she noticed the undertone question raised in her mother's voice.  
  
"Fine, I'm doing fine, just fine," Charlotte said hurriedly, wanting more than ever to find the fifth—no, eighth, it was farther—dimension. Severus seemed awfully confused and Charlotte wondered if it was just she that was taking this oddly. "We brought flowers," she said bluntly, shoving a bouquet of roses forward.  
  
"Oh, gracious me, thanks my children." Mother seemed to have quieted down for a minute. "You know, I almost got the hint that you didn't want to come tonight."  
  
Silence. Horrible, awful, heart wrenching silence. *Remember the golden rule: Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it.* "Of course we did, Mom!" Charlotte gushed, feeling a little bad for a moment. "We miss you so much at Hogwarts."  
  
"Yes," agreed Severus stiffly. "I mean, so much."  
  
"Aw, thanks, my dears." Mother seemed to wipe a tear from her eye. "I'm going to start blubbering right here, in front of all these people. Start blubbering and unleashing all these tears and memories of you as my little babies!"  
  
"Bye Mom!"  
  
"See ya Mom!"  
  
"Wait, where are you going?"  
  
Suddenly Severus and Charlotte had risen and were edging towards the door.  
  
"But we haven't even eaten yet!" proclaimed their mother.  
  
Severus was already reaching for the Floo powder when Charlotte though for a moment, sprinted back and kissed her mother on the head. "Happy Mother's Day, Mom." And she ran out of there as fast as she could, at Severus's heels the whole time.  
  
  
  
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A/N: I gotta go out to dinner now. Happy Mother's Day, and if I have time I'll add in my thanks's later, kay? Thanks, I really do appreciate the support, and please do check out my other work. I started my 2nd collection of poetry the other day, called On the Short Side. Love ya all. 


	4. Brotherly Vexation

A/N: I was antsy to write tonight, so I thought: what better to write for than a story I haven't updated in, like, a month. So here goes.  
  
As you can see, I write when I feel like writing, and I generally do it in one sitting. Generally that "one sitting" begins somewhere in the interim of midnight and 3 a.m., and I'm right on schedule. :o) I didn't really get a lot of reviews for this chapter... Hopefully this chapter's reviews will make up for it? Thanks. I don't plan on making this story very long anyway. Adios.  
  
Disclaimer: Laissez faire. I don't own Harry Potter~all that's mine is the strange humor, plot, and, of course, Charlotte Snape.  
  
  
  
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Charlotte sat across from her older brother in the corner booth and giggled as she pointed out a mustard smear on the left part of his chin--right next to the lasting scar from that childhood shower experience. Ironically, Rosalyn Snape's only two children had fled to Burger King, and Severus was completely in place in the outfit he had been wearing before Charlotte had insisted on changing them. She had, of course, changed as well. Le Café de Marie had a dress code that was just a trifle different than that of Burger King.  
  
As they had waltzed into the fast-food restaurant, Severus had been appalled. "These floors," he had exclaimed, "are dirtier than Miss Pansy Parkinson's reputation. Stop snickering, Charlie, it's disgusting! What is that Muggle cashier doing? Is he pocketing that money? Charlotte, is that catsup on the wall?"  
  
And he hadn't stopped. Between bites of his Whopper, Sever continued complaining about the cleanliness of the tables, thus launching him into a thorough speech on the pro's and con's of using wooden wax with ingredients imported from Sri Lanka vs. the western coast of Mexico.  
  
"Severus!" she interrupted finally. "I'm bored. Please, I beg of you; stop!"  
  
He became grouchy after this request and refused to say a single thing. His stubborn silence could not be broken, and Charlotte finally gave up trying. "I'm going back to Hogwarts," she announced as she stood up with her tray, "and I might sleep with someone along the way."  
  
"You will not!"  
  
"It's good to see that your verbal skills have returned, Sev," she rolled her eyes. "But your humor is still fleeting; I was just kidding."  
  
"I knew that," he retorted, taking her tray from her hands and emptying them both out. He held open the door as Charlotte passed through. "I knew! I did!"  
  
"Uh huh. I want to get to Hogwarts. Now."  
  
"Oh, fine, be a whiner." She felt his hand grasp her arm as he apparated, taking her with him. Somewhere along the line Charlie had become bored with apparition. It was simply transportation and she thought nothing special of it. She was, however, surprised with their landing point.  
  
"We're in Sirius Black's room," she commented, looking around. The bed was unmade and clothes lay strewn on the floor. The dressers were cluttered with random papers and the closet was half-open, a few hangers falling out.  
  
Severus raised a brow. "So you've been in here before."  
  
Charlie chose to ignore that comment. "Do you care to explain the nature of our visit, or did you just bring me here to toilet paper your enemy's room?" she asked impatiently. She was bored. She was agitated. And she felt her monthly cycle coming on.  
  
"Sirius asked for you and I to meet him here."  
  
"He did?"  
  
"Well, no, just you. But I thought that I should take the invitation as well by association."  
  
"Are you serious?"  
  
"Quite."  
  
"Sever--hello!" The door quickly opened and Sirius entered. His expression didn't seem to portray any specific emotion and Charlotte found it unreadable. He crossed the room and shook Severus's hand.  
  
"Severus?"  
  
"Sirius."  
  
"Severus, Charlie will be quite fine. You're free to go."  
  
"I prefer to stay," said Severus firmly. He stood, refusing to budge.  
  
Sirius heaved an exasperated sigh.  
  
"Severus," Charlie said sternly, "I'm fine. Go. Away. Now."  
  
Severus looked around, but could not find a single dirty sock or creased pillowcase in the room to support his argument. Finally, and tentatively, he agreed. "I'm right down the hall if you need me, Charlie. If you scream—" and he turned sharply to Sirius—"I can hear you very well from there."  
  
Charlotte did scream, right then. Mentally. She groaned as her brother finally left and was on the verge of shrieking when Sirius spoke.  
  
"He's really not all that bad, once you get to bully him," the Animagi professor quipped.  
  
"Yes, and Neville Longbottom's a king with the ladies." Charlotte, for the umpteenth time that night, took advantage of her sarcastic inheritance from her father. "Really, so what did you ask me here for?"  
  
"You do know all about my Animagi class, don't you? Can I get you something to drink? I'm famished with thirst."  
  
"I know the bits and pieces that I hear from my DADA students. And I'd love some pumpkin juice, please. What are you getting at?"  
  
"Well," said Sirius. He sauntered over to the refrigerator and yawned as he yanked it open. He took out a tub of orange-colored liquid, two glasses, and set them down on the counter as he began to pour. "Animagi can transform into animals, as you most likely know. It's a new class, added only last year, to teach each student to become an Animagus. The Ministry thought that an increased amount of Animagi would strengthen our defense, should the Dark Lord rise again. We have so few registered. With or without buttermilk syrup?"  
  
Charlotte was confused, until she realized that he was referring to the pumpkin juice. "With, thank you."  
  
He dug back into the fridge and dug out a canister of syrup. "And so, the point of becoming Animagi is to help defend us. The end of the year is drawing near, and I have yet to teach my students much on that aspect. And so," he said as he dolloped the syrup in each glass, "I have arranged an end of the year project. Each student will be tested against a dark—but controlled, I promise you—force that I shall conjure up while in his or her Animagus form. At this point—" he handed her the glass—"not even my top student is likely to pass. I hoped that you could help me."  
  
Charlie looked up from her glass of pumpkin juice. "Help you?"  
  
"Yes," Sirius nodded. He took a sip of his own glass and wiped his mouth savagely on the sleeve of his robe. "Now, I realize that you have class while I do, so it would be impossible for you to come into the classroom and assist the students. But I hoped that perhaps you could help me plan my curriculum and teach me a bit about Defense Against the Dark Arts. Or, DADA, as they call it."  
  
Charlotte watched the buttermilk swirling in her pumpkin juice. She had extra time in the evening, that was true. And it would help her escape from her mother's calls and tagging alongside Severus for lack of anything better to do. "Sure," she finally said. "I can see that happening."  
  
Sirius nearly knocked over his pumpkin juice. "You will? Great, thanks so much, Charlie." His ecstasy was apparent on his face, but he looked awkward, as if he wasn't sure if he should nod or shake his head or even hug her. Charlotte solved his apparent dilemma and stepped toward the door. She set her empty glass on an empty patch on the dresser.  
  
"So, is ten o'clock alright with you? Dinner isn't over until eight-thirty at the earliest, and I need to plan my course as well."  
  
"Definitely." Sirius nodded enthusiastically as he reached forward and took her glass from the stand. "Just meet me here, I guess, at least for tomorrow night. Minerva's holding a conference with Dumbledore and a students' parents late tomorrow in the Teacher's Lounge."  
  
"Fine," said Charlie. She paused, and then smiled. "Good night, Sirius."  
  
"G'night, Charlie."  
  
  
  
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WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM TO ASK YOU TO HELP! I have been writing a story called "Even Heroes Have the Right to Bleed," a Harry/Hermione romance/angst that is, in my opinion, my best work. But, it doesn't get as much attention as a lot of my other stories. If a fluff/angst story with Harry/Hermione and a promising plot sounds good to you, PLEASE help. If you review just once—each chapter and I'll worship you—and tell that you were referred by "You, Me, and DADA," then I'll thank you somehow… Sometimes I mention a reviewer's name in a chapter. But somehow. THANKS SO MUCH! BACK TO THE PROGRAM.  
  
  
  
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She closed the door behind her quietly and treaded softly down the hall. She hadn't yet reached her room when Severus predictably stepped out in front of her from the doorway to his room. He had been waiting, to no surprise of Charlotte Snape's. "What now, Sev?"  
  
He peered accusingly into her eyes. "Don't use that tone with me, Char. What did Black have to say?"  
  
"Black?" she said scornfully. "You're so juvenile." She slid to the left, and then to the right, but Severus refused to let her through. "He just wanted to ask me to help him with his class."  
  
Severus snorted.  
  
"What?" she inquired. "Why is that so hard to believe?"  
  
"Because he's Sirius Black!" he cried out.  
  
"THANK YOU, MR. OBVIOUS!" she roared, but it quickly turned into an irritated whimper. "Sevvy, I'm tired. Can we please do this another time?"  
  
"No," he simply replied, staring her in the face. "I want to talk now."  
  
"Of course you do." Her voice rose dangerously as she relented and passed through his open doorway, without being told. Severus followed, shutting the door. "Well, I'm here. Say what you must."  
  
"Charlotte," he said calmly, as he beckoned for her to sit on a chair at a richly decorated wooden desk. She obliged. "I just want you to know what you're getting into."  
  
"I'm not getting into anything. I'm just helping him with his class. And, as I imagine this will be your next question"—she arched her brow and looked up with an amused but spiteful smile—"nothing, nor no one, is getting into me."  
  
"Ha ha," he said dryly. "It may seem like an innocent study session, but—"  
  
"Study session?!" she cried. "We're not in school anymore. He needs me to help him with his class, and I saw no problem with it—rightfully so! Don't overanalyze every goddamn thing, Severus."  
  
"Fine. It's not a 'study session.' But would you please listen? Charlotte! This would be a hell of a lot quicker if you stopped flicking me off. Thank you. I just want you to remember that he is a convicted felon, after all. He was in Azkaban, and then a refuge from the Ministry for years. Not to mention," he added as he leaned closer, shuddering, "all of those monster wedgies he gave to me back in the day."  
  
Meanwhile, Charlotte had been sitting quietly (with the exception of a view vivid hand motions) with lips pursed and hands clasped in her lips. Finally she met her older sibling's eyes. "Done?" she asked calmly.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"YOU BLOKE!" She lunged forward and instinctively tweaked his ear.  
  
"Ouch!" he yelped, cradling said ear in his palm. "That really hurt, Char!"  
  
"You said that you were done," she said coolly. "How about now?"  
  
"Very done. Extremely done."  
  
"First off, he was framed and wrongfully convicted, remember?"  
  
"Well that's just the Ministry's theory…" Severus mumbled.  
  
"Severus! The only reason that he was a refuse was because he was, again, wrongfully convicted. As in, he was innocent! And, those monster wedgies were classic," she added, much to her silent brother's chagrin. "The end-of- the-year slideshow would have been ten minutes shorter without those snapshots."  
  
"Yes, I always wondered who it was taking those pictures," Severus mused as he scratched his stubble covered chin.  
  
He didn't notice as Charlotte bit her lip to contain her laughter. *Yes, there are things that Severus is better off not knowing. I do, after all, aspire to wake up in the morning—alive.*  
  
"Anyway, Sevvy-boy, your whole argument is ridiculous. It's nothing more than a teacher-to-teacher meeting. There is nothing for you to go into your whole 'older-sibling-protective' mode about."  
  
Severus's nostrils flared to the size of two shiny Knuts. "I don't have an 'mode,' as you refer to it. Or the lack thereof. You know what I mean."  
  
"I do," she said, straightening up. "And if all is well with you, I'm going to bed. Actually, regardless of how you are, I'm going. See you at breakfast?"  
  
"Bright and early," he said grimly. "Night, sis."  
  
"Don't let the house elves bite," Charlotte winked as she closed the door behind her. *Finally. Freedom. Who knew that permission to sleep was such an exhilarating feeling?*  
  
She slipped inside her room and changed into her flannel pajamas. She was too tired to shower; she'd do that in the morning, so instead she washed her face. Charlie was annoyed to see that she had forgotten to buy toothpaste, and opted to simply rinse her mouth and pop in a breath mint.  
  
Lying in bed, she chuckled at the look on her mom's face as they had abandoned her in the restaurant. *Oy. What a life I lead. Normal, yet strange. Boring, yet amusing. It's a wonder that I made it this far. Severus is barely hanging on. Look what it did to him. He's one of the scariest chaps in England. People think he's a whacko. And they haven't even seen him naked.*  
  
She chuckled to herself and turned to her side. In the darkness she could faintly make out the picture on her nightstand. She reached for it and her wand, in the black of the room, and felt the stenciled frame. "Lumos," she whispered. The light shot out from her broom and the picture was illuminated.  
  
It was her Gryffindor class picture from 4th year. She had lost her 5th year picture, and had brought her 4th year because she had wanted one with Sirius, Remus, and James in it.* There she stood, sandwiched between Emula Scrit and Sam Dellow, her then-boyfriend, wearing a closed, wry grin that seemed to say, "Is this really my life?" She kept rolling her eyes chatting with Emula. Sirius, James, and Remus, of course, had managed to squirm their way into the front row. Remus had charmed his face to flash colors of the rainbow (*Minerva gave him detention for that*), James had all of his clothes on backwards—and those were Severus's clothes (*Minerva gave him double-detention for that*), and Sirius wore the costume of a female prostitute as he turned around, arms wrapped around himself, and pretended to make out with an invisible customer (*I don't think he's done serving detention for that quite yet*). *Yes, being a student at Hogwarts really was great. Too bad that I couldn't enjoy it; I was too busy experiencing my frickin' teen years!*  
  
She set the picture back down on the stand along with her wand and smiled as she dozed off into a relatively pleasant sleep.  
  
However, Severus Snape didn't sleep very well at all. He spent the night curled up in the fetal position at the head of his bed, all but sucking his thumb as he kept guard from those so-called kitchen assistants. He wondered why nobody had ever mentioned that the house elves bit before.  
  
  
  
  
  
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A/N: hahaha. Ok, finally, I wrote that. Tis 2:30 a.m., and it was not nearly as fun as writing my 24th chapter of Road trip, but still amusing. Thanks to my reviewers of Ch 3!!! (only 9, sob!)  
  
  
  
Angelwenh—thanks, same here. Usually it's just "shutup!" How unoriginal siblings are these days.  
  
Miss Spinn—Gracias! And I can't thank you enough for reviewing all of my poems.  
  
Kit Cloudkicker—Neither do I! There will be more of her—be ready.  
  
Ssj Kinara—hey! Lol, thanks, I exploit my sanity to the best of my ability.  
  
Mediterranean Queen—I'm pretty sure you follow Road trip, don't you? Well, I love you people who read various stories of mine. You get a cookie! Wait, you don't. I ate it. Sorry. Perhaps a flashback will be in order.  
  
Mrs Grim—Thanks, lol! You'll find that throughout chapters, and several chapters, I have running jokes. I've been doing that a lot in Road trip lately, lol.  
  
Estrella—Gracias! Yeah, I'm twisted, what can I say?  
  
Hestia—Yeah! An explanation was bound to come around, right? lol.  
  
Cosmic_diva—Yeah, I hate when all of a sudden it's like "omg, he likes me, I like him, let's kiss and make love!" lol, that just pisses me off. Thanks so much!  
  
  
  
Thanks to all of you… this story is brought by you… now please, REVIEW! Thanks. And check out "Even Heroes Have the Right to Bleed." Love and all that good stuff…  
  
  
  
Adios~Escritora 


	5. The UWAV

A/N: I just realized that all of my chapters so far have been the same day~lol. Well, this is a new day, I decided to not make this day stretch over many chapters so I hurried it up a bit and include Charlotte and Sirius's first meeting. Also, big news! I have a plot! WOOHOO! Lol.yeah. Well, it just kind of happened. And I'm glad that I've been easing into it, because it really set the scene. Yes, the UWAV has something to do with it, although you only first hear about it in this chapter.  
  
This one's out relatively quickly. I didn't get a lot of reviews for the last chapter *wrinkles nose* but I blame that on fanfiction.net being down~it's still screwy so I'll have to wait to post this. I think I only got two or three reviews. :o( Oh well. :o( Make me happy. Here's your chapter. Love you all.  
  
***OH! I've been meaning to write this in an A/N since day one. I realize that it's impossible for Severus, Sirius, and Remus to be twenty-nine. For one thing, that would mean James was twelve when Harry was born. LOL! Don't think so. It's just for the sake of the story, k? I do have a purpose-yes, a REAL purpose-for them to be somewhat young. It will come soon, promise.  
  
Disclaimer: Let's go over this one more time, for the sake of the slow people that tend to inhabit the far reaches of fanfiction.net. Charlotte Dames-Snape=Mine. Harry Potter and the rest of the characters=Not mine. The plot=Mine. Hogwarts=Not mine. The new classes=Mine. The curses and spells and such=Not mine. I repeat, Char-actually, I'm too lazy to repeat. Just read over what I wrote if you're still in the dark. *mumbles about dumbasses*  
  
  
  
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"Hey, Sevvy!"  
  
"Well, aren't you a little ray of sunshine this morning?"  
  
"I'd say the same for you, but it looks like your ray of sunshine was smuggled into a Dark Arts lair and transformed into a highly dangerous laser beam that will soon attack all of Earth. starting with me."  
  
"Ha ha," Severus smirked dryly, but it was half-hearted. Charlie frowned at the dark circles under her brother's swollen eyes. *He probably spent the night plotting a way to tie Sirius's underwear to the flagpole. No worries.* Charlotte shrugged it off.  
  
The siblings had met up in the corridor leading to the Great Hall by chance, but it happened so often that Charlie was beginning to suspect that Severus woke up extra early (*Or in the case of this morning, he didn't sleep at all*) and lurked in that corridor, just waiting to accompany her and probably stray her away from Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. *The sad part is, that's probable.* She sighed as she tucked her chestnut hair behind her ears and pushed with great force against the heavy doors of the Great Hall. They were late, apparently, or the doors would have still been propped open by the Subsisto charm. She nearly had it open when Severus, with a bored yawn, easily pushed it open with one hand. Charlie glared daggers at him. If looks could kill, he. well, actually, he would have been dead long, long ago.  
  
"Uh, Char?"  
  
"Mm hm?"  
  
"I usually have to ask specially for my tuna roll at breakfast."  
  
"Thanks for sharing, Sev. You telling me that has truly enriched my day."  
  
"Well. could you go ask the. elves. for me?"  
  
Charlotte eyed him warily. "Can't you get it yourself?"  
  
Severus jumped at the suggestion. "Are you mad?"  
  
"I'm getting kind of mad. Go get your ham sandwich or whatever it is. I'll get us seats." *Maybe I *shouldn't* have told him to stick his dinner fork in the socket when he was twelve. It seems to have lasting effects.*  
  
Her brother fidgeted. *Why is he being so skittish? Oh. oh God.* "Severus." Her jaw had dropped with an incredulous sort of realization. "Are you afraid of the house elves?"  
  
"No, no, of course not!" Severus quickly insisted, though he wouldn't meet her eyes. "Well, actually. I have delicate skin, Char, and if anything should pierce it."  
  
"I understand." Charlie nodded solemnly. "I'm willing to brave the house elves on your expense. But if I don't make it out alive. I want you to have. to have."  
  
"What, Char?"  
  
"To have."  
  
"Char?"  
  
"TO HAVE SOME FRICKIN' COMMON SENSE!" She threw her hands up in the air and rolled her (well-rested) eyes in exasperation. "Fine," Charlotte said, as she began stomping towards the kitchen, "I'll go get your stupid egg omelette or whatever. You save the seats."  
  
"That's a tuna roll!" he called after her, but his tone was unconvinced. and almost embarrassed. "I hope she'll be okay," he muttered sincerely and he headed towards the teacher's table.  
  
Charlotte Snape was too frustrated with her brother to laugh at him-at least for the moment, anyway-and so the house elves were quite frightened as she exploded into the kitchen and stared down the smallest one, square in the eye. In a deathly low voice, she demanded, "Get me a tuna roll." *Whoa! So my Darth Vader imitations *are* up to par!*  
  
No stuttering. No third-person speech. A tuna roll was sent her way within twenty seconds. "Thanks, Pinko," she grumbled, feeling almost guilty. "Uh, do you guys take tips?"  
  
"N-no, Miss Dames," Pinko stammered, cowering a bit. "Y-your satifaction is all w-we need." Charlotte forced a smile to try to show some "satisfaction" and curtly left. The stank of the tuna roll made her stomach churn like rancid butter. Severus had always had strange taste in clothes (*He did, after all, wear a parka to his prom*), girls (*Who else's brother has a pin- up of Rhea Perlman[1] on his bathroom wall.?*), and entertainment (*If estimating and counting the words in A History of Modern Magic could be considered entertainment. especially when the amount was listed on the back cover.*), but Severus's tastebuds sure took the cake (um, no pun intended). Tuna rolls, fried fish eyes, broiled squid sandwiches topped with cheddar sauce. *Actually, it's like a sea food fetish. A really disgusting sea food fetish. Whatever happened to lobster and crab legs? With butter sauce?*  
  
By the time Charlotte reached the table, Severus had seemed to have forgotten his uneasiness as he hastily scarfed down a buttermilk biscuit and ranted with Filius Flitwick, crumbs escaping from the corner of his mouth and flying into the air. Charlotte ducked to escape one launched from where he sat, at least a few yards away. She paused at the head of the table, surveying the seat openings. Filius and Severus were engrossed in each other at the end of the table, with Minerva to Severus's side and Sybill to Filius's. On the other side of Minerva were Remus and then Sirius, chatting noisily about Quidditch rules. Hooch, across from Remus, kept butting in to giver her two cents worth; she was, after all, the Quidditch referee.  
  
Charlie felt nervous, like it was her first day of grade school and she had no one to sit with at the lunch table. Quickly, she filed over to Severus and dropped the tuna roll onto his napkin. He took no notice of it, instead choosing to stuff another biscuit in his already full mouth. Charlotte fidgeted. *What is my problem? Go sit with people other than your brother. y'know. normal people.* She slowly sidled down the other side of the table and slid beside Hooch.  
  
".and knocking from the broom is not only a foul, but an offense. What I'm saying, Sirius, is that with a Bludger it's rather difficult to tell whether it was accidental or intended to hurt the player," Remus was saying, a sparkling passion in his eyes.  
  
"But," Hooch interjected, twirling her fork in the air, "a player can be punished to the extent of how it seemed to take place. Mistakes occur, but you usually can tell, Remus. Oh, hello, Miss Dames." The round woman took notice of the new addition the table, smiling fondly at the younger woman who only nodded in response.  
  
Remus and Sirius looked up as well-a short break in their conversation. Remus turned to rebut Hooch's argument. "Hey, Charlie," Sirius smiled from across from her. He began twirling his fork to gather spaghetti without looking at the plate.  
  
"Hi." The usually outgoing girl smiled shyly, feeling terribly out of place. She glanced down the table, to where Severus sat opposite her on the other end in a wooden chair. Shaking off the feeling, she added more brightly, "Are we still on for tonight?" Remus looked sharply at Sirius, his attention caught and waiting for a response.  
  
Sirius winked. "Ten o'clock."  
  
"Great."  
  
"What's tonight?" Remus asked, looking at Charlotte although the question felt to be directed toward Sirius. Sensing this, Charlie let Sirius field the answer.  
  
He was unfazed. "Charlie's helping me with my class," Sirius said simply, slurping up a single stray string of spahhetti from his plate.  
  
"Dark Arts stuff, huh?" Remus smirked, sinking into his chair and folding his arms behind his head. Charlotte noted that he seemed terribly relaxed and smug. She resented that.  
  
"Uh huh," she stepped in haughtily. Remus turned his eyes back to Sirius, as if waiting for his confirmation rather than Charlotte's.  
  
"Yes," Sirius said. He picked up his napkin from his lip and dabbed the corner of his mouth.  
  
"You could have asked me, Sirius," said Remus pointedly. He still smiled. Charlotte continued wondering why that grin on his face irked her so.  
  
Again, Sirius was undaunted. "Well, yes, considering that you were the DADA teacher three years ago"-Charlotte noticed that Remus understood this abbreviation-"but you've been so busy this year, organizing the meetings of the new band club and teaching Ministry Politics-what a popular elective that's become, since Fudge was thrown out of office. And," he added darkly, lowering his voice so that Charlotte strained to hear, "with what's been happening lately, I bet the UWAV has been tied up."  
  
The last comment made Remus go rigid suddenly, and he nodded. "You're right," he said through tight lips. "Right."  
  
An awkward moment passed, and Charlotte scanned her mind for previous mentioning of the UWAV. Giving up, she blurted out, "What's the UWAV?"  
  
Silence gripped the entire teachers' table. They had all stopped their conversations, and a few forks clattered to the table. Everyone's sharp stares were now focused on the 5 foot, brown-haired, brown-eyed sister of Severus Snape. "What?" she simpered pitifully.  
  
She felt fingers tightly fold around her upper left arm, and she turned to look up into the glaring bottomless eyes of Severus Snape. She winced, then looked desperately down the table to confirm that Sev had left his seat and was now towering over her. She felt like she had broken an unforgivable rule, and did not fight as Severus quickly pulled her up and dragged her out of the room. The teachers' eyes followed her even after the double- doors slowly swung shut. Murmurs broke out.  
  
Severus let go of Charlotte in the hallway. She pouted a bit, but waited for him to explain. He opened his mouth to speak, but paused as a rather ugly 3rd year waddled past them and into the Dining Hall. "Charlotte," he said sternly, "how'd you hear about the UWAV?"  
  
"I don't know," she said perversely. She crossed her arms stubbornly and looked the other way.  
  
"Charlie, don't be impossible!" Severus sighed. He threw his arms up over his head and let them fall back to his sides. It sent waves along his robes, and Charlie watched them billow at the ends. She didn't feel like giggling right then.  
  
"Fine," she said. "Sirius mentioned it to Remus."  
  
"Of course, Sirius would," Severus scowled, hatred burning into his soulless eyes. Charlie shuddered and averted her gaze. Severus was scary when he was peeved.  
  
"So?  
  
"So what?"  
  
"So what is it?"  
  
"What is what?"  
  
"The UWAV."  
  
"The UWAV?"  
  
"Yes, the UWAV."  
  
"I haven't the faintest clue of what you're talking about, Lottie."  
  
"Uh, Sevvy?"  
  
"Yup?"  
  
"I think you were supposed to use the Memory Charm *before* you had this conversation with me."  
  
"Oh. Oh, right."  
  
There was a pause. "Not now!" Charlie shrieked as Severus began rummaging through his robes for his wand. "Fine, you don't have to tell me. I don't care."  
  
"Yes you do."  
  
"I know." Charlotte chewed on her lip. She really had no desire to be subjected to a memory charm. The negotiating part of her brain seemed to have an "Out for lunch" sign on it, so she turned to the persuasive part. "C'mon, Sev, look at me. I'm your baby sister. What if something goes wrong? I might not remember you at all. What would people think, Sev? Huh? What would *Mom* think?"  
  
Severus didn't reply. He looked spiteful, though.  
  
"I won't mention it again, I promise. I understand if you don't trust me."  
  
Now Severus looked a bit guilty, and Charlotte inwardly grinned. "It's not that I don't trust you, Char. You know I'll probably end up telling you when the time is right." As much as Charlie would have loved to push and see if she could get the truth now, she decided to let nature take its course and wait.  
  
"I know," she smiled.  
  
He jerked his head towards the Great Hall. "You want to go back in?"  
  
Charlotte frowned. "Not really. Y'know what would really hit the spot right now?"  
  
Severus grinned broadly. "A Whopper?"  
  
"With the works."  
  
  
  
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Burger King was only serving breakfast, so after scarfing down a couple bags of tater-tots, Charlotte and Severus returned to Hogwarts a few minutes before morning classes began. Charlie made a quick pit-stop at her office (a desk in the corner of her bedroom that had a stack of papers on it) and rushed to class, landing her butt in the swivel chair as the final bell rang. Twenty-nine students, in their seating chart positions, became instantly quiet and stared expectantly at the dissheveled young teacher as she caught her breath and wiped her hands, greasy from the tater-tots, on the sides of the fabric-covered chair seat.  
  
" 'Morning," she finally said. No one said anything. She ran her tongue along her teeth, pursing her dry and cracked lips. She licked them to re-wet them. "Uh, work. Yes, we're actually going to do a couple of things today rather than play 20 Questions." A few students groaned. Hermione Granger leaned closer, intrigued.  
  
"Does anyone know what an insolitus is? Open your books to page fifty- nine." Books fluttered open. "An insolitus is a very uncommon creature to come across. You'll probably never see one in your life."  
  
"Then why do we have to learn about it?" snorted a Slytherin with dark hair. Draco Malfoy, the boy who only yesterday had accused her of being Severus's wife-*cringe factor '02*--turned around in his seat to high- five the boy.  
  
"Because," Charlotte retorted in a tone that was just as insolent, "you never know when someone's going to set one loose in your house." The boy went white and didn't speak for the rest of the lesson.  
  
"Say it with me. In-so-LIT-us. C'mon, say it."  
  
"Insolitus," the class echoed back unenthusiastically.  
  
"You need more 'oomph' in your 'lit'," she pouted, twisting a strand of brown hair around her finger. It appeared to be a hopeless case. After trying to drill the insolitus's weaknesses and habitat into the group of twenty-nine blasé Gryffindors and Slytherins, the bell rung with a tone of mercy. *The bell could be a banschee screaming, and I wouldn't care. I just need to get out.*  
  
If Charlie had been a smoker, it would have been time for a cigarette break. But, the twenty-seven-year-old was strongly against cigarettes and the idea of lung cancer didn't appeal to her, so she instead chose to break a few pencils against the ledge of the desk. Needless to say, it frightened the incoming Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws. *Oh right. I have another class. More insolitus fun. Woohoo.*  
  
  
  
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Hours and hours later, Charlie cleared her spot at dinner and retreated back to her room after shaking Severus off her trail. ("When are you going to see him? Where? When?" Severus had frantically begged.) She figured that she had better spend the next hour and a half planning her own class. Today's lesson hadn't been optimal. She was sure she could do better.  
  
*Defense Against the Dark Arts, Char. Think. Or DADA. Whatever they call it. Stupid abbreviations. Speaking of which. what is this stupid UWAV thing- a-ma-jig? Apparently all of the teacher's heard about it. Filius's jaw dropped so low that his fake teeth came unhinged. And Minerva! Minerva nearly passed out. Whatever it is. I'll find out. I always do, anyway.*  
  
*UWAV.* As hard as she tried, Charlotte couldn't plan her lesson with these ominous initials on her mind. *Undressed Wet Association of Vendors? Hmm. Possible, but I highly doubt it. Underwater Waste Acid Vent? Well, they kind of need one of those, but, again, it's not likely.*  
  
She finally decided that it was a fruitless exploit-for the moment, anyway- and instead chose to look up a few things on Animagi. *Hey, looky here! Minerva's a registered Animagus. That's funny-Sirius only registered two years ago. And I thought that he had been doing it for a long time.* She sniggered as she remembered Severus's feeble attempt at becoming an Animagi when he was fourteen-he had tried to become a snake and had instead hexed himself into a toad with several warts. When the doctor had finally figured out to fix him, the warts remained for several months. It hadn't been a very prosperous dating season for Severus. Then again, it never was.  
  
Charlie jumped as a knock sounded at the door. Blinking to calm herself, she croaked, "Come in!"  
  
The person seemed to have a struggle with the doorknob. It swung open and Sirius appeared in the doorway, sheepishly smiling and holding Charlotte's doorknob in his left hand. "Oops. I'll fix it." He blushed as he reached for his wand. "Repairo!" He turned back to Charlotte, who was as startled as she had been when she had first heard the knock. "Sorry, Charlie."  
  
"It's fine," she replied automatically, feeling a bit flushed. The clock hung over the doorway; it was a quarter after nine. "I'm not late," she stated simply.  
  
"Oh, I know," said Sirius. He stepped into the room, but left the door open. "I finished my planning for tomorrow's class, and I thought that if you're ready."  
  
Charlotte blinked again, this time confusedly. "If you finished your lesson, what do you need me for?"  
  
"What?" Sirius's voice squeaked. Charlie bit her lip to keep from smiling at this. "Oh, well, I thought that you could help enrich what I have planned. Or help me with tomorrow's lesson." She couldn't hold it in anymore. She was full-fledgedly giggling. "What?"  
  
"Sirius," she giggled, hugging a pillow to her chest. "If you wanted to see me, you could have just asked me out to dinner or something."  
  
"What?!" Sirius was flabbergasted. "What are you talking about? I need help with my-Jesus, Charlie, you thought that I wanted to see you? I mean, see you-see you?"  
  
Charlotte was insulted. "I didn't say that," she insisted, tossing the pillow to the side. It bounced off the edge of her bed and flopped onto the floor. "It's just that if you don't need help tonight, I don't need to come."  
  
"Fine! I don't need help!"  
  
Charlotte only mumbled a reply.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"I said, 'Fine, spite yourself.'"  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"What's what supposed to mean?  
  
"That!"  
  
"That?"  
  
"Yes, that."  
  
"Which that?"  
  
"That that!"  
  
"That that?"  
  
"Yes, that-stop!" Sirius very suddenly shouted, smacking his hand against his forehead. "I'm surrounded by idiots!" he exclaimed.  
  
"Gez, Sirius, I know that you're mad and all but you don't have to call my hairbrush and picture frame idiots. They have feelings too, y'know."  
  
The Animagi professor was bewildered until he caught sight of a hairbrush and a picture frame sitting on a dresser beside the doorway. He shot her a look and stormed out of the open doorway. Nothing happened for a moment. Charlotte sat quietly on her bed. A minute passed, and a hand reached out from the hallway and closed the door with a triumphant slam. Charlotte could only rear back and laugh.  
  
"It's not funny," came a muffled voice-Sirius-from the hallway, causing Charlie to laugh even harder. She listened as his footprints stomped away down the hall, getting softer until she couldn't hear them at all.  
  
"Sirius!" she called as she caught her breath, but it couldn't have been above a hoarse whisper. Her shoulders still convulsed with laughter as she calmed herself down. Finally, when she was sure that she could contain herself, Charlotte rolled off the bed, placed her pillow back on it, and strolled down the hallway to Sirius's room (pausing to admire how well the doorknob now worked, of course, as she left her room).  
  
In his haste the twenty-nine-year-old had left the door slightly open, a margin as wide as a sheet of parchment. Charlotte timidly grabbed the handle and slowly pulled it open, grimacing as it creaked very softly. What she saw was.well, no one. She faltered, and then called out. "Sirius!" No answer. "Sirius! It's Charlie!" Still, no answer. "Sirius, I'm sorry."  
  
"I'm in the bathroom!"  
  
"Oh." *I wonder if he ran out on me so fast if he was angry.or if he *really* had to go.* She felt awkward just standing there in his room, but didn't think that she should sit down when she was, in a way, intruding. It only took a few seconds before she heard a flush and Sirius emerged, practically tripping over his feet. She bit her lip for the umpteenth time, and pointed to his fly.  
  
"Oh!" He turned pink and zipped it up. "Uh, yeah." His expression turned dark. "What brings you here, Charlie? Afraid I'd spite myself?"  
  
"I said I was sorry," she offered, finally feeling comfortable enough to take a seat on the edge of the side of his bed.  
  
"For?" he pried, sitting beside her. His bed was unmade, but she couldn't complain-neither was hers.  
  
"For giving you a hard time. And teasing you." She hadn't really thought the apology out, but she figured It sounded sincere and reasonable enough. *And if it doesn't, well. actually, I don't have that part worked out either. Damn my poor planning abilities. Damn them.*  
  
"Damn what?"  
  
Charlotte's eyes snapped open. "Huh?"  
  
"You just said 'Damn them.'"  
  
"No I didn't."  
  
"Yes, you did."  
  
"No, I didn't."  
  
"Yes, you did."  
  
*Note to self: Be sure that what I tell myself in my head is actually told in my head.* "Anyway," she said hastily, hindering further attempts of conversation that led to this apology in the first place, "if you still want help planning your curriculum, I'd love to help."  
  
Sirius raised a thick eyebrow, signifying that he was thinking it over. "Okay," he said. He crossed the room to his desk and sorted through a stack of papers even more so disorganized than her own. Picking a folder up, he came back and sat back down.  
  
"So, I need my students to be prepared against the Dark Arts, should Voldemort or another dark power rise. Animagi will be the first wizards called upon to fight-"  
  
"Including you?" Charlotte interrupted bluntly.  
  
"Yes, including me." Sirius said this very matter-of-factly, but paused as if he was first realizing it to the full extent. "So, as I was saying, animagi will be the first to be called upon to fight these powers, whether they know it or not. And so-"  
  
"Do your students know that?"  
  
"Know what?"  
  
"That they'll be used to our side's adavantage in a war."  
  
"I don't know," Sirius frowned. "I guess they'll find out soon enough."  
  
"Why? What's going to happen?"  
  
"What do you mean, what's going to happen?" Sirius's voice rose dangerously. Charlotte had to conclude that he was nervous.  
  
"Sirius," she said. "Something's going to happen, isn't it?"  
  
"What gave you that idea?" He sounded fatigued.  
  
"Tell me!" she demanded, jumping upright to stand over him. He stood up, too, and immediately took the height advantage.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about."  
  
"Yes you do."  
  
"Charlotte!"  
  
"Sirius!"  
  
"Charlie, nothing's going to happen. When I start incorporating Dark Arts preparation into my lessons, I imagine that it will come up." Sirius's eyes bore into her own, like they were trying to force that truth into her own, that he could make her believe him just by staring at her enough with those eyes. *Those incredible eyes.Wait, what?* Charlotte tore her gaze away. His explanation seemed right. She couldn't help but agree.  
  
"Right," she said; her voice-stuck in her throat-came out funny.  
  
Sirius took her shoulders and began steering her toward the door. "Maybe you should go," he said.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
They stood in front of the door. Silently. It was driving Charlotte mad. "So, can I see you tomorrow?"  
  
Sirius's eyes snapped up. "What?"  
  
"Y'know. Can I come help you tomorrow? I mean, if you need it."  
  
"Yes. Of course," Sirius nodded. He reached for the handle to the door and propped it open for Charlotte. "Why don't we meet in the library? After lunch, during rest hour?"  
  
"Sure. That's fine." More silence followed. "Uh, goodnight, Sirius."  
  
"G'night, Charlie."  
  
She stepped into the hallway, letting Sirius gently shut the door behind her. She paused, shaking her head. *I'm not an idiot. Or a moron. Or a- anyway, something's up. And I'm apparently oblivious to it all. If ignorance is bliss, well, then I must be orgasmic. Too bad it doesn't feel that way.*  
  
Charlie turned the freshly-fixed doorknob only to enter an incredibly dark room. *Damn! I didn't leave the lights on. At least I conserved energy. Now where's the switch?* She felt all up the wall, knowing that she must look like an incredible idiot, only to remember that the switch was somewhere near the bed. "Shit," she mumbled. "Ouch!" Something hard rammed into her- or visa versa-as she stumbled to where she figured the switch must be. *Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. And that, ladies and gentlemen, would be my bed.*  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*  
  
  
  
[1] Rhea Perlman-Carla from Cheers, that TV show on Nick at Nite that was pretty big in its prime. *Love it!* Here's a pic for those of you who aren't familiar with her: http://us.imdb.com/EGallery?source=ss&group=0117784&photo=fcstil_0809- 1.jpg&path=pgallery&path_key=Perlman,+Rhea :o)  
  
A/N: Hi. Chapter done, it's 10:40 pm on Sunday, 6/30/2002. But I probably won't be able to post until another time because stupid fanfiction.net is down. I can't get past the main page. I thought that week was supposed to *fix* the server, not tantalize you by showing you the opening screen and then not let you past. Damn. Well, I hope when it starts working I get more reviews. And I liked the last chapter too. :o( Hey, this is the 8th page of word! Whoa! This chapter was longer than the rest, I think. Neato. I feel so accomplished. Yeah, so, thanks to my couple of reviewers for last chapter, but right now I can't get on to fanfiction.net to see who you are. And here's the message I just got.  
  
The latest round of down times has signalled a problem that is much more serious than first thought. We are working around the clock to resolve a list of issues.  
  
Starting on Monday night we will reactivate the site in a read-only mode. In a read-only mode, users will not be able to submit reviews, edit content, and/or login to their profiles.  
  
Hardware upgrades are on their way but will not arrive until mid to late next week. Based on the information we currently have, the site should return to normal operation within 2 weeks. In the meantime, read-only access will be provided.  
  
We understand the frustration that many of you are feeling and ask everyone to be patient as we are working as fast as humanly possible.  
  
Xing  
  
FanFiction.Net Admin/Founder  
  
Ahh, so fanfiction.net has recognized the problem. Well, I guess you won't be able to see this for two weeks. Sorry. But hey, at least I wrote it, right?  
  
  
  
Adios~Escritora 


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